i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
