Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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