It's Friday. Sex?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
