no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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