i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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