I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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