Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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