Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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