jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
