he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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