Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
