Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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