If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
