Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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