If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I party with great urgency now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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