he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
