There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
