My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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