Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
"it" just moved
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
