another moral hangover. fuck.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
