Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
