at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
