where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
