Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
