Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
