Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
