I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
