I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
