Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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