I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
