i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
