ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You smell like stripper and shame
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
