hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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