goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
