i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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