Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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