I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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