Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
