You made me cry and you don't even care
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Randomize
