I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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