i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
