Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
