It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
