i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
