It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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