Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
