"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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