what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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