Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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