ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
