i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
