Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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