i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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