i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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