Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
