Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
