Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
