apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He felt like a one man threesome
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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