So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
