and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
