I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
