Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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