I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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