Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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