Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
