How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
