I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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