i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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