Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
