Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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