I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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