Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?

(301): View more from Maryland

Nowhere

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(248): View more from Michigan

thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.

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(813): View more from Florida

I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.

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(937): View more from Ohio

also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.

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(917): View more from New York City

It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate

(860): View more from Connecticut

1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..

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(858): View more from California

I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight

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