I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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