I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
