you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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