I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think my moral compass just broke
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
